Let it Flow
Perhaps 'Sylvia' was a dubious choice for my 'hot date' last night. Writer on the edge alone with two small children in an isolated low beamed cottage ... Bit too close to home perhaps. But the pilot is in Mexico and he would rather watch paint dry than sit through that kind of movie so I have to take my chances while I can. I was talking to a friend the other day and she couldn't believe he hasn't read the book, (or blog) for that matter. Maybe once the novel is actually published curiosity will get the better of him. We just have completely different tastes (though crucially a very similar sense of humour), and what I write doesn't interest him. Often our choice of movies is completely different too - lots of compromises (trade offs between high voltage action movies and in-action subtitled art house where nothing appears to happen), but nearly 20 happy years in and it's still working. He has always been 100% supportive and held my hand riding the rollercoaster this year tolerating bleak moods and watching the kids while I have pounded the keyboard in the basement - he is (as my mother-in-law frequently points out), my rock. Which makes me someone in need of a strong anchor? Watching Sylvia/Gwynnie struggle with her work, family and Ted Hughes' infidelity wasn't quite the life affirming art conquers all tale I was hoping for. It left me wondering what happened to their children - how do you live with something like that, can there be a happily ever after? Maybe next time I'll find a sitter and go for Mamma Mia. Have you seen the viral with the dancing fingers on YouTube? Anyway it made me laugh. BTW if anyone knows how to embed video in blog posts I'd love to know.
From the film, at least, it seemed that while Sylvia struggled with her work - baking cakes instead of writing was the in your face symbol - for Ted Hughes the work flowed in a very physical natural way. Whatever you think the meaning of life is, one of the surest ways to tell you are doing what it is you were sent to earth for is when you experience flow. I think some of my earliest memories flag up a future as a writer: sitting in the wild flower meadow at home, aged about four, my back against the oak tree, reading a Ladybird book, wearing red Mary Janes and a yellow pinafore. Lying on my pink nylon bedspread in a very flowery 70's pink bedroom practising letters with my Mum. Climbing up to the top shelf of my wardrobe to sneak a look at the copy of 1001 Nights that had been put up there for safekeeping because it was too risque for a six year old. I was caught red-handed thoroughly absorbed in tales of dancing girls and exotic princes. Flow is like catching a perfect wave - when your work is going so well it is effortless, you are present but somewhere else entirely and can lose hours at a time given the chance. Flow is what we are aiming for, and it is what these memories are made of.
Sometimes you glimpse it in your children's faces - I wonder if they are more tuned in to the moment than we are? Perhaps as you mature and there are so many things running through your mind it becomes less easy to slow down and focus. The pilot says flying the big jets you experience flow ever day - it's why he loves it, born to fly. Athletes are the same I'm sure (though this is something I cannot speak of with authority. I once experienced a brief buzz after jogging round the block). These days the endorphins have to fight past the caffeine. However, I bet every single one of the boys and girls in Beijing with a gold medal round their neck were absolutely focussed and in a flow state when they won.
TODAY'S PROMPT: Can you think of times when you have experienced flow? What do you think that tells you about your work, the direction you are taking? There may not be a magic formula for creating a sense of flow, but perhaps there are things you can do to help yourself and increase the frequency - get enough rest, drink less coffee, cut back on the margaritas, get plenty of fresh air? Living in the Valencian orange groves with a small baby was fabulous for this - neroli induces Zen like Alpha brain wave patterns (add to this over two years of complete pure diet while growing/feeding the baby). No wonder so much work got done - it was detox heaven, like a really, really long rehab after years in London. (Though I was desperate to return to civilisation by the end of it). On a more practical level, if you are trying to work through a problem, walking the dog is one of the single best things I find to zone out and let your mind sort everything through - perhaps it is the rhythm. Find what works for you - and use it, go for gold.
