Love & Sex
When love beckons to you, follow him,Valentine's Day - are you feeling the love yet? What's the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for you? I remember a time when the pilot drove from Suffolk to Devon (a six hour journey each way), just to bring me breakfast before work. Twenty years on, a cup of coffee and an extra hour in bed while he gives the kids breakfast is the height of romance. It's small, everyday gestures that keep love alive - but it doesn't hurt to celebrate together once a year. I mean, it's mid February - I'm sitting here writing in an overcoat, the wind whistling through the cottage - what else is there to celebrate? But you can't move on the high street in town this morning without romance coshing you round the head with a plush paw or helium balloon. Huge expensive bouquets, heart shaped chocolates and Hallmark cards? Is this the best we can do?
Come on boys and girls - we're writers, artists - what is the most romantic thing you can think of to do for your other half (or the person you would love to be with)? Girls, what would thrill you this weekend (give the guys some hints!), and what about you chaps? Do you really need another stuffed bear with 'I Wuv Oo' on it? I've been researching a magazine article on relationships and read the other day: 'He needs sex to feel close, she needs closeness to feel sexy' - is it the old Mars and Venus thing? There was a piece in the Times at the weekend about a couple who wanted to kick start their relationship post-baby. She suggested having sex every night for a year. He was terrified to start with - but it worked (and guess what, they had another baby ...) So what do men and women really want? Why not tell each other in the comments box?
Perhaps you write about love? Since Romeo found his Juliet, epic love and tragedy have been inextricably linked. As Gibran pointed out so many years ago, there's an inherent risk involved with love. You're laying yourself open (look at the innocent joy on Danes' and De Caprio's beautiful faces in today's clip - kills me every time). I'll hold my hand up - I'm a shameless romantic and will always pitch for a happy (or at least hope-filled), ending with my books. Yes, love is crazy, chemical, insane, madness - but I'd rather my characters take the chance to feel everything, the highs, the lows rather than drift along. Who wants to read about a couple who 'kind of ... like one another. But it's nothing, you know, serious.' I don't. I want passion, a quest, a challenge - love, and hope conquering all.
I've been listening a lot to Kings of Leon writing book three - it's a love story about three generations of women, set in Spain. It explores 'duende' (magic, passion), but it's very physical. Writing sex scenes well, as we've said before, is one of the hardest things to do when you're starting out. Writing within your comfort level is the best advice. I was flicking through 'Writing Down the Bones' last night and there's some excellent points in Goldberg's section about eroticism. She says you can write about your character simply chopping a melon, but if they - (and you) - are turned on in the scene, the reader will pick up on this sensuality without having to spell things out. You can be sensual without being sexual (think of Hardy's descriptions of Tess' lips).
It helps to be a little in love with your lead characters, but once in a while a writer comes along who seems to push the boundaries with sex - Houllebecq's 'Atomised' (final scenes not for the squeamish), and Erica Jong's 'Fear of Flying' spring to mind. The French have a grand tradition of eroto-lit (from Anais Nin to Catherine M). The latest book causing a hoo-ha over here is 'Wetlands' - anyone read it yet? It helps that the author looks like a cute, saucy librarian in all the publicity shots. Personally, just as valentine's day overwhelms you with schmalz, studiously 'sexy' books like this are anything but - by the end you feel like you are being relentlessly coshed around the head, but not with a stuffed bear this time. In books - as in life - it's a balance. Love, sex, tears and laughter - feeling is what it is all about. Happy Valentine's.
TODAY'S PROMPT: What are the great romantic books, films, scenes that have stayed with you? What would you love someone to do for you this Valentine's weekend? Do you remember the Kim cartoon strip 'Love Is ...'? Why not take a few minutes and brainstorm what love is to you? You could even show Hallmark a thing or two and make a card for the one you love with some real feeling. x
