The Art of Living Well
Years ago, I remember a news report about a hundred year old woman who lived a few villages away from us. The reporter eulogised about her energy, childlike joy, her unlined face and asked her how she had reached such a great age in terrific shape. She put it down to honey, cider vinegar and the odd glass of Guinness. It may have had more to do with the fact that she still lived in the house she was born in, had travelled only as far as the nearest market town and had never married. She had experienced none of the great joys, responsibilities and challenges the rest of us go through, the extremes of pleasure and pain that burn lines in our palms and put grey hairs on our head.
Maybe you've known people like that? I'm always curious about characters who are happy with their lot, uninterested in exploring the world and stay put in the place they were born in. Probably because it's so opposite to my experience, it seems strangely exotic. Where are you - still close to home or have you forged a new path? John's challenge yesterday to find the flip side to the often quoted top ten stressful events in life has been interesting (see what happens if you type 'sources, comfort, pleasure, satisfaction' into Google. Exactly). The closest I came up with was this kind of thing:
Perhaps the big difference is that the stressful events are the things that blindside you on a Tuesday afternoon - as we discussed recently. Many of them happen to you and are unavoidable. The pursuit of happiness, the art of living well is an attitude, a way of looking at the world that can be learnt. Several friends have recommended 'Eat Pray Love' - one woman's search for everything, 2 million copies sold etc. Have you read it? I'm struggling with the book - swanning round Rome's single scene eating gelato is not where I'm at right now. And to be honest, I've always struggled with the idea that happiness begins and ends with the individual. Isn't there a wonderful quote about it being like a butterfly - if you pursue it, happiness flies away - if you turn your mind to other things (ie, stop navel gazing) it comes and sits quietly on your shoulder. Then there's the famous Tolstoy quote from Anna Karenina: “All happy families resemble one another, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” What's your experience?
TODAY'S PROMPT: If happiness, contentment, pleasure, satisfaction are all things that can be cultivated rather than just states we're entitled to naturally, maybe there are universal sources. The old definition is: someone to love, something to do, something to look forward to. Positive Psychology is a growth area but as I can't find a positive version of the top life events, why don't we try and write a manifesto of happiness, define the situations and events we need to cultivate to live well. I'll start it off:
THE WKDN TOP CAUSES OF PLEASURE, COMFORT, SATISFACTION (with thanks to John for the idea)
1) Love - your relationships with partner, children, family, friends, animals
2) Security - a sense of satisfaction - enough money, a sense of being in control of your life and competent and valued at work
3) Connection - with the world around you, (whether through work, neighbours, hobbies, charity/volunteering)
4) Health - healthy foods, exercise you enjoy, laughing often
5) Time - space with yourself, doing things you love, developing the individual skills you have
6) Learning - never stop educating yourself, learn new things, subjects, skills, languages - whatever grabs your attention and fires your enthusiasm
7) Balance - a sense that you are living and working hard towards something meaningful but with passion, energy, fun
8) Self awareness - a clear sense of your beliefs (spiritual, moral, political), boundaries and values
9) Gratitude - for life, everything you've been given, everything that's done for you
10) Hope ...
What else can you think of? What are the happiest events or moments of your life?
